‘How my Kid becomes My Friend…’
Once I sit and wonder, would I fail at this? The scary jitters at the bottom of my stomach exceeds the flutter of happiness. To become a mom is a beautiful and exhilarating feeling, but at the same time, it is frightening, as well. To enter into the world that I have no experience whatsoever, to become someone who tends to a little girl in the future, when I was tended up until then by my mom….
What would I do if I fail my daughter? What would I do if I become someone she’d want to hide things from? Such thoughts are never scarce… And the bubbling of fright it brings can not be easily put off.
Then I experienced the first burst of pain and then the smile and tears. A mother. I had finally become what I feared. But, as I hold her little fingers and felt the first lightning of true love, I promised to myself that I will be more than a Mom to her. More than just a parent.
Make her trust and believe in me – That is the first thing I wanted to do. From when she was young, I told her that I’ll do anything for her. I promised that I would be her source of support and strength. Even when she couldn’t understand anything, I told her again and again that I am her confidante, and a mom and told her that I’d love her irrespective of all. And I proved my words with my little actions. When she first scratched her knees, I gave a kiss and a bandage and never said anything about the cookies she took the fell for. When she grew up, I could see her trust in me growing along. That… She showed her first plundered wealth to me – an eraser picked out from the class room floor.
Keep her trust alive – When she showed that eraser, the first instinct in me was to scold her and give a slap in her butt. But then I remembered the work I put in to ‘make’ her trust. Did I want to break it just like that!? I didn’t want to. So I pulled her close and gave a gentle kiss on her head, to prove that I am not angry. Then I sat with her and told that taking a thing without others permission is stealing. Her small eyes rounded and there was panic in them. In her own defense, she said she took it from the ground. I made her understand that even when the object has no owner, it wouldn’t become hers. That didn’t work like that. I narrated little stories about good habits and bad habits, and she was attentive as she heard them. The next day, she came back and said that she had handed the eraser over to her teacher (I didn’t ask her to give it away), and gave me a kiss in return. I had tears in my eyes -proud tears.
Enters into her world – This is the most important. When she played games, I played with her. When she writes a scrawly A,B,C,D, I told her stories about when I was her age and how I hated writing, unlike her. She would look at me and laugh and say ‘bad mummy.’ But it made her believe that I was once a little one like her as well, that once I had done so many naughty things just like her, and that created a new, healthy bond. She started to share her little naughty deeds, as well. I heard it all. And in turn, share all my actions to her. We started to become the duo-of-misdeeds. When I became a Kid, my kid became my friend.
Play the games she wishes to play – This had not been difficult, since I love games. We painted her first apple together with crayons, and then later, used water color. It was a colorful and watery mess, but at the end, when she painted her picture of cows and horses – all in lavender and green – the smile in her eyes, the pride… The mess was worth it. We’d play bat and ball, as well, in the verandah. We’d play anything she wanted to play. After a while, I become more than her confidante and mom. I become her play-mate. The new doll her dad bought, we searched for names and named it together, and in her tea-party, I would be the first guest to arrive.
Scolds, but with love – At times, yes, stories didn’t work. At those times, I had to use some harsh words. She would sit and cry, but she had learnt that I wouldn’t scold without a reason, that I wouldn’t hurt her just like that. At the end, she would hug me and plead with me to forgive. I would. With a kiss and a chocolate she loves. I also made her to understand that even pals fight and yell and shriek. She understood that. At times, when she became stubborn and refuse to talk, I’d be the first one to take that step. Because, I knew it was wrong to scold, even when she deserved one. We’d mend our differences and become friends again, because we’d already strengthened the basement of love.
Share the smallest of secrets – I started to share little secrets at home with her, when she became old enough to understand. When I was hurt by anything, was hurt by anyone, I would share it with her. She’d be there, sit and hear all my stories, and comfort me with a smile, an embrace, her last piece of chocolate… This made her turn to me with her own secrets and stories when she had one. I wouldn’t interfere, I’d listen, and at the end, when she’d look up at me, her eyes big and filled, I would give her my warmth as a hug, a kiss, a pat in the head, her favorite chocolates. This made the trust in small age grew stronger, and the play-mate become a friend, a companion. Our bond became unbreakable.
Trust her back – When she says that she didn’t do this or that thing, I chose to give her my belief. Some of us really make a mistake in this part of parenting, I did, at first. But later, I had realized that when she said she didn’t beat Safya first, it was always the truth. And then I started to trust her words for it. It also had an added bonus – if she indeed had done that, my trust in her made her feel guilty, and she’d admit her mistakes by her own.
When she grows up – I was there when she was scared of the new changes in her body. Not as an advisor, but as a fellow inmate, who had gone through the same fear and curdle in the stomach when I grew up as well. We shared the fear, the stories of changes, and that closed the deal. We became friends forever… Friends for life.
Of course, I knew she still hide something from me, that her best friend knew a little bit more, but I am contented with what we are… What we are … Are good friends, even through the age barrier. We have crossed the boundaries, and found a new kind of love.
And, yes, with the bowl of her favorite Breakfast, and its chocolatey smell –Kelloggs chocos, we have many friendly moment of laughter and when the laughter turns unbearable, we’d spit it out and laugh again at each other, milk dripping down 🙂 🙂 .
Brand Chocos helps in creating ‘Khushi Ke Pal’ between parent and child. This philosophy is articulated as ‘Khuljaye Bachpan’. ‘Khuljyaye Bachpan’ is about being unfettered and fearless. ‘Khuljaye bachpan’ is about empowerment, not being authoritative and thus letting kids be kids. ‘Khuljaye bachpan’ is symbolic of ‘unlocking’ the way childhood should be. Helping your princess bake her first cake, while she teaches you to take your first selfie! Your son helping you make the grocery list; while you inculcate the values of sharing in him. These and many more ‘bonding moments’ make learning fun and create a happy and secure childhood.
Ps. This kid and her mom in my essay is my role-model. I have witnessed their love, witnessed their bond. I would want to become a mom just like her, when I give birth to my baby. The anticipation of being a mom is great, and as my little one rolls inside me, I promise myself, yes, that I’d be someone she is proud of. I’d be someone more than just another mother.