It is so hard for me to write this, because it means that I am letting reality win. Again.
I am letting Time win.
You are someone I have always gone to, with my secrets. Where are you now? Why do I feel as though there is an Ocean of emptiness between us? What happened to us?
We speak, but it lacks substance. We talk, like two strangers in a train journey talk. It is so distressing, to know, that we…we can become like that.
If that is how our story ended, I am terrified to know how all those other stories would end. Probably horribly.
You were like my safe haven. The one thing I could always go into, the one I wanted to share my secrets with, but now, my secrets are being kept from you. I don’t know who we are anymore, who you are, who I am.
Once upon a time, you would have been those fingers which wiped my tears away, but now you don’t even know that I am crying myself to sleep every night, because that is how hard it has become for me to get out these things that has been bottled up for so long.
Am I the one to blame?
Or is that you who’s pushed me away?
I still love you, but the love has been corrupted by all the faults we both had, all the hurt we caused. It is like a shallow, shallow pool, somewhat dirtied by things that shouldn’t dirty love.
I have like thousand things I want to share with you, but I don’t know how to, not anymore.
If you somehow come across this, reach out. I don’t know how to do that, anymore.
I am suffocating here. I am so stuffed that I feel like I am going to explode soon. My problems just keep bigger and bitter, and I am going insane.
Give me some of our old warmth back.
I need it, now more that ever.
Love you, and yes, terribly miss you.