‘Navigation Through Nowhere…’
—finding life in wilderness…
The smell of roasted leaves on the fevered ground, the glow of shimmering rays through the curtain of trees, the emerald swirl of the lake and the flutters of fishes — I know I am lost once again, and I am happy about it. Destinations written, a journey is nothing but tedious… But with detours — unknown, unplanned detours — I realize, a journey can inspire. Can instigate.
The first time my navigation compass showed North instead South, the short spurt of panic was soon doused with wonderment, and a bout of adventure. Nerves tingling, I surveyed the route and came out with no plans. Wandering, the only option, I bullied my way through tangles of vines, through bushes and thorns and came out of nowhere…
The mush beneath my shoes, the gritty soil and the smell of smoke long quenched is beautiful even to my city clad body. This Nowhere in somewhere… A beauty distinguished… It put a rare smile on my lips, a smile that welcomed the bloom of satisfaction inside my ever dissatisfied heart.
This feeling is pure, unsullied…
I wonder why I have never been this exhilarated, never been this peaceful and know that I have lived all my life, planned, prepared and bored… According to a routine, there is no diversion in my ways. A straight, sorrowful life…
What a boring life I’ve lived!
Of thunder nights spent under glossed roofs, of sweaty mornings cooped up under air conditioner — it is a sad, sad and predictable life.
Office desk piled high with files, computers pinging with incoming mails, phones endlessly wailing… That has been my life. Always had. Unprepared, I had never been. I watched news religiously, and heard weather forecasts like it’s a holy hymn. I drilled through my files, twice a day; I screamed at my PA twice more than reading my files. Tension always riding on my shoulders, I had no time to laugh and joke and just enjoy life.
I have become a machine, myself…. Never having time to enjoy the life to its fullest, never cherishing the life…
My stuffy suit and tie had become my only identity… and I have lost self, somewhere along the long, restless journey that life had glued on me. I never tried to break free, it was too hard to break free after years of imprisonment. I never tried to look behind to find myself — find the person I once was — because living in the present, this way, this day was more comfortable, even though it was tiresome.
I had become someone I hated once… I had become a Robot, traipsing day in and day out, ordered and in symmetry. A systematic life, never veering towards unpredictable.
And I lived, because I need to…
I didn’t live, because I want to…
I am pulled away from my old life by the screech of the birds returning to their shelter. Sun has started to dim, giving way to the dark spread of night. The sliver of silver lamp reflects in the water, I stop my journey, still clutching my navigation compass, still knowing I am going the wrong way… But this feeling of rightness, it directs me towards where my legs take…
Finding a spot, I open my camping bag… Pitch my tent and snuggle deep inside, the forest floor digging into my back, I close my eyes…
My friends will be wondering where the hell I was, but I am not worried about them anymore. They will be in the planned spot, with campfire roaring, and roasting marshmallows, sharing ghost stories… And they will want that.
This nowhere, this frothing lake, this unprecedented stretch of land — I want this… I need this. I want this to reanalyze… To re-kindle the embers that had long burnt out…
I had let the fire die from the woods of my life… And now, it is the time to ignite it again…
I slept, a dreamless sleep, to the lullaby of the lake, to the rustle of the leaves… And wake up, rested, relaxed and again am wondering, why didn’t I never get this contentment when I woke up from my spongy, springy foam mattress…
Peace
Knowing that –
The sleep-well pillows,
The plush mattress,
The snug blanket
Will never buy a
Peaceful sleep.
I pick my compass again, and this time I take the path leading back to my friends… Back to my life…
But I know… I have changed.
This navigation through nowhere has brought me back something vital, something I have lost a long time before. It has brought the fire in me. It has brought the life in me.
Now, I am going to live the life I want to… To live it fully, happily…
~~~
This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on IndiBlogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.
© Ada
Stardust Diaries 