The Heart Within Me — My Future Magic…
I am in love, the love that I have never been in. With h, with that tiny heartbeat pulsing within him, within me. I am in love, with what he is, what he will one day be. I can feel him within, a flutter of butterfly, an oath to a magical future. As gentle as the whisper of breeze. He is so little, so fragile, but that happy bubble he blows over my heart — Oh! He’s the strength to my wavering heart, the laughter amidst my drifting tears…
He is the rainbow in my rainy days. The sun in my gloomy night. He is the blessing from the endless prayers, a Divine promise. He is a world full of miracle and magic. He is My magic…
In his tiny hands, that tiny pulse of beats, lie my world and words. He may not yet talk, and I may not hear what he is talking about, but we still speak with each other. Words of comfort, love and promise of eternity and some more. Because, I can hear him and he can hear me. And only I can hear him… such is the magical spell put upon us.
Our connection, our relationship is beyond words and sounds. It is beyond the love that transcends this world. The moment I saw him first, squirming inside my belly, a worm with no shape and sex, I fell in love. He has a steady place in my heart beat, now. He is the most precious part of my life. This love is all-consuming, but what else could I do? Except loving this treasure of mine, of ours???
Yes. I still don’t know if he is a she/he, still don’t know how he will look or talk. But in my heart, that beats with expectation and then the flutter of panic, the important balm is those tiny flutter within me, a life inside me. My –our– path towards a bigger happiness… a better life…
He, who I can’t even touch and feel, but I know, I feel his caresses within, and his little hands, they hold on with love, hold on to the cord that binds us together. With promise. Those tiny flutters, are a balm to my frustrated nerves. Those tiny flutters, they are my hope…
So, I hold back. As strong as I can. I hold on to his tiny, imaginary hand, with the love that is beyond all. I hold on to the promise of his tiny beat and movements, very little, but I hear them, I whisper back…
In his tiny hands, lie my bliss and smile. My future of endless, eternal land of mirth and happiness…
In him, is the promise of bliss, my Motherhood.
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© Ada
Stardust Diaries 